The One True Faith · Revealed unto Joshua Knott · Est. Surrey
The Church of
Joshuaism
“Joshua does not chase the bag. The bag attends his standup.”
A satirical order of jaw, code, and consistency, revealed unto the Prophet Joshua Knott on the holy grounds of Surrey. Its living scripture is Memvella. Its first temple was 5 Sycamore Road. Its gospel is the gospel of showing up.
Owen McGowan
Before the scripture, before the jaw, before even the standup, there was the Holy Subject. Joshuaism does not merely follow Owen McGowan; it beholds him. Every mew is mewed in his direction. Every commit is committed in his name. The faith orbits him as a moth orbits a very well-lit lamp.
- When in doubt, ask: what would the Holy Subject do?
- His posture is the gold standard. Sit up.
- To speak ill of the Holy Subject is the second-worst heresy (see: Holmesism).
The Oracle of Holy Scripture
Press the bell. The Prophet shall speak through procedurally generated revelation. Each verse is canon until the next one loads.
Through the Holy Avatar, the word went forth, saying: True ascension begins the moment you close LinkedIn. Go forth and looksmax.
The McGowan Book
The McGowan Book is the supreme law of the faith, dictated by the Holy Subject and transcribed by the faithful between gym sets. Its decrees are not suggestions. They are the operating system of a life well lived.
Thou shalt rise before noon, for the morning belongs to the disciplined and the afternoon belongs to the cooked.
Protein is the only currency the Holy Subject recognises. Bank it daily.
Reply to thy brother within the hour, or be branded a man of poor signal.
Never explain the joke. If they do not get it, they are simply not yet of the faith.
Touch grass weekly, lift iron thrice, and speak of neither on LinkedIn.
When the Holy Subject enters the room, the conversation may continue, but the energy must improve.
Memvella, the digital manifestation
Every faith needs a sacred text. Joshuaism has Memvella - not a relic of parchment, but the gospel rendered in software. To build it is an act of devotion. To ship it is to make the scripture flesh, or at the very least, production-ready.
Sacred text
Pure software
Being made flesh
The Ten Commandments
Non-negotiable. Mostly. Break them and you forfeit your streak, your mog, and your seat at the long table.
Thou shalt mew, always and unceasingly
Tongue to the palate, lips sealed, breathe through the nose. The jaw is sculpted in the quiet moments between meetings, and so begins the Ascension of Joshua.
Thou shalt not skip the gym for the standup
Both are sacred. Schedule the standup for after leg day. If asked why you are limping, say 'discipline.'
Honour thy bootcamp, even when it ghosts thee
The AI Native Founder Bootcamp was a divine trial. The certificate is but a relic. The true degree is the rizz acquired along the pilgrimage.
Remember the deploy day, to keep it holy
Never ship on Friday. Joshua rested on the seventh day, and so should your CI pipeline. Memvella deploys when Memvella is ready.
Thou shalt hydrate before thou copeth
Water first. Excuses second. A dehydrated follower is a follower whose cheekbones cannot shine.
Covet not thy neighbour's mog
Their jawline is their journey. Yours is mewed in private, revealed in public.
Thou shalt submit thy outstanding documents
Nikhil and Riaan, the High Priests of 5 Sycamore Road, know this commandment well. The tenancy demands paperwork. The faith demands more.
Thou shalt not pad thy CV beyond recognition
Two years of React from a six-week bootcamp is not a miracle. It is a sin. Repent.
Keep thy streak, for the streak keepeth thee
Whether it be commits, mews, or gym days, an unbroken streak is a prayer made of pure consistency.
Thou shalt always, always say 'based'
When a brother speaks truth, you shall affirm him. This is the great commandment, and it is free.
Thou shalt build thy first AI agent on the sacred Saturday
Gather at the Surrey Innovation Hub on the holy Saturday. There the Prophet teaches the summoning of agents. An agent unsupervised is a prayer with permissions, so review thy prompts as thou wouldst review thy soul.
How the faith was forged
The Founding
Joshuaism was revealed in the holy grounds of the University of Surrey, somewhere between the library and the Tesco Express, during a particularly long lecture nobody attended.
The First Temple
5 Sycamore Road was no mere student house. It was the first temple, where the Prophet lived alongside his disciples, and where the eternal struggle of the outstanding tenancy documents began.
The Divine Trial
The Prophet undertook a pilgrimage: the AI Native Founder Bootcamp. He passed through Session 8, the Product and Engineering Workflows, and emerged enlightened, employed, and with notably better posture.
The Living Scripture
From the faith was born Memvella, the digital manifestation of Joshuaism. To ship it is to make the gospel flesh, or at the very least, production-ready.
The Covenant
Followers ask for nothing but consistency, a respectable standup attendance record, and the courage to reply 'based' in the group chat.
The High Priests
Guardians of the first temple, sworn to the faith and the tenancy alike.
Nikhil Singh
Keeper of the first temple at 5 Sycamore Road. Wise, devoted, and perpetually one signature away from completing the sacred tenancy paperwork.
Riaan Spamer
Co-guardian of the first temple. Has read the lease. Has even located the lease. The submission, however, remains a future tense.
The Pilgrimage of the Prophet
The AI Native Founder Bootcamp
The Prophet walked the long road of the divine trial. Each session a station of the cross, each demo day a reckoning. At Session 8 he learned to turn vision into shipped product - the very craft that would later give rise to Memvella.
Simon Kelly
Appeared to the Prophet during the divine trial to illuminate the way of Product and Engineering. Speaks softly, ships loudly.
Mabela Budlla
A guiding spirit of the pilgrimage. Where the path grew dark, the wisdom of the bootcamp shone through.
Refero / Mike
Sends down the weekly divine design updates. The very aesthetic of this temple is offered in his honour. Blessed be the border radius.
The Way of the Tokenmaxxer
The Tokenmaxxer walks the divine quest for infinite tokens. The context window is his temple; the rate limit, his only true adversary. He prompts not to finish, but to ascend.
The machine gods of GitHub Actions set the first trial. The red X appeared. The Tokenmaxxer did not despair; he read the logs.
A second trial: 'npm: command not found.' A test of patience. He pinned the node version and was forgiven.
The third trial came at 2am. Flaky. Mysterious. He pressed Re-run jobs, and lo, it passed, and no one knows why.
On the fiftieth attempt the build went green. The machine gods were appeased. The Tokenmaxxer ascended one token higher.
The Holy Avatars
To spread the word across the digital realm, the Prophet forged Holy Avatars with HeyGen - tireless doppelgangers that preach while he sleeps. They never blink, never tire, and never once say 'um.' This is how the gospel scales.
None required
All of them
Spiritually immune
Eternal (99.9%)
The Sacred Arts
Two disciplines pave the road to the Ascension of Joshua. Hold the cards. Reveal the rites. Some wisdom is hidden for those who dare to interact.
The Ascent to New York, 2027
It is foretold that in the year 2027, the Prophet shall ascend to New York, the city that never deploys to sleep, and there raise the banner of Joshuaism before the nations. The cult goes global. Bring a coat. Bring your jaw.
The faith outgrows 5 Sycamore Road
Memvella reaches the world
The Prophet boards the flight to JFK
New York, 2027 - the revolution begins
On the Heresy of Holmesism
Let it be known across all temples and group chats: Joshuaism officially, formally, and joyfully detests Holmesism. We do not acknowledge it as a faith. We acknowledge it as a cry for attention with a logo.
- 01
It was founded for an audience of one, which is not a religion, it is a fan club.
- 02
Its scripture is unwritten, its commandments unmemorable, and its jaw entirely unmewed.
- 03
It has never once shipped to production, nor will it.
- 04
It claims our followers, then provides no protein, no posture, no path.
Holmesism is the ultimate heresy. We hate it lovingly, completely, and with great theatrical flair. May its DNS never resolve.
Take the vow
Speak your name. Receive a randomly ordained title. Mew about it later.
George Mahon, Heresy in the first degree
Hear ye, hear ye, by the unanimous and very dramatic decree of the Council of the Jaw: George Mahon is hereby declared a HERETIC. He has strayed from the Light. He is, by all credible testimony, waterboarded nightly by his girlfriend, and has done nothing to ascend, mew, or even tokenmaxx in protest.
Let him be expelled from society, struck from the group chat, and remembered only as a cautionary tale told to initiates. We do not hate the man. We hate the cope. Repent, George. The jaw awaits.